im not happy.



today im not happy at all, though i cant quite put it why.



im under tremendous stress, which is something, i dun reali show in front of my dance mates cos its no point tt so many of us mood swing together and ruin the whole tingy or wad.



even if i mood swing, i cant make it stay for long as well.




perhaps its just temporary, perhaps its just during the dance prac. or say, perhaps its because the dance com is this sunday.



yes, im having a dance com this sunday, for the qualifying rounds. i kinda worry that, we cant even get tru the qualifying round.




cos its two weeks ago tt we decide to take part in this dance com, to push myself a bit more, to do something out of my dance club, instead of always waiting for my instructor to train us for competitions.



yes i initiated, yet i feel that, im like slacking more than anyone else.




actually, even if i share with my dance club ppl, i think they dun understand. they wil just say no la, u dance very well le, what for push yrself so hard?
they wil jus say u needa take a break.. give yrself a break den can move on ma.. cannot always push n push.



actually, i feel slack most of the times, i dun feel that im pushing myself hard enuf, i dun tink tt im workin hard enuf.




i see people improving, i see ppl learning new steps from videos, but wad am i doing? ive no idea u noe.



maybe the stress im having comes from mi myself, because, everyday i will qn myself, what have i done to improve as a dancer? just say and nv do>? or did i do anything at all~?




i can see myself thinking very negatively right now, and i totally hate it, but, yeah, i just needa release the stress and dun mind, i blog here to release it all.



i dun wan to post in my own blog cos i dun need ppl to ask mi or console mi or say anything about it, i dun need my dance mates to noe at all.




sometimes have to cancel work/outings/ other stuff for dance's prac sake.... a lot of times, i can afford to be late, but yet, i wil try to avoid missing a practise becos firstly, its kinda unfair that they train so hard but yet im nt training, secondly, its becos it'll be harder to catch up the steps if they've trained it way before u.



but i cant afford to cancel work animore cos i realli needed cash. i wanna earn money. i need money.


sometimes its so sick n tiring to act normal in front of them. very tiring.



probably im reali stressing myself too much. i need a break. really.



aniwaes, dun worry bah, i guess in a few days' time i'l be fine again. =)


yu~