I am quite fragile these few days/weeks. Please try to be gentle with me.

Mak, I really hope the 3rd person you are talking about is not whom I think you are refering to. I got quite affected after reading it. Please. Can you please don't be so harsh on your words?

Peggen is not always a strong girl. There are times she needs to unwind, she needs to let go of her strong front and break down.

Sometimes you just feel like crying. You don't need a good reason for it. Perhaps there's a reason for it. But after crying, you will ask yourself why did you cry so hard for. its kinda stupid. I dunno if you all, esp the guys, can understand this. its ok if you cant. If you dont feel like reading on. Please. Stop here. I'm blogging for people who cares for me. If you are trying to find things to shoot me. Please. Stop here.

Yesterday something struck me hard.

(At this point in time, if you assume and is thinking that I'm ahving problems in my r/s then I clarify that its not. In case you finish reading and go CHEY. We are well and fine and in fact, very well and fine.)

Alright, back to my point.

Let me ask you a question.

If someone offers to get you a car. To help you "gong" the car. How would you feel?

Happy, I suppose?

BUT.

If the motive of that person is because she wants you to use her place as a carpark to park your car. So that she can get to see you often. How would you feel now?

Nothing?

My first thought was: How silly that person is. Yes, silly.

But after a few moment, my heart froze.

My grandma wants to buy me a car so that she can get to see me more often!

I tell you. It struck me so damn hard. Especially the tone my mum used to tell that to me.

I dunno if you all can feel it. I feel damn guilty that she had to resort to such measures jsut to see this grand-daughter of her more often. The thought of it is simple tear-triggling.

F**k you if you wanna ask me if I will accept the car.

I guess everyone had their soft spots. And I guess my soft spot is my ahma. She asks me if I have enough money to spends quite occasionally. And my heart always turn sour when she asks that. (that probably explains why i made such a big fuss by letting my emotions run so wild just for that car thingy) No matter how broke I am, I will say I have enough and just wait patiently for the day I officially receives money. And everytime she will continue by telling me to let her know if I need more cash. And my heart goes sour. The sour feeling which makes you wanna cry. If you all know how it feels like.

I know, some of you thinks that I'm spoilt. yes, i'm. I'm spoilt by people who loves me. but i do have the sense to think in a logical way.

I jus wanna share this with you all. Maybe you all cannot understand how i feel. but i just wanna share it. and to let you all know that because of this thingy, my tear ducts are super active these 2 days. and i feel super fragile. and probably super sensitive. to the point that i may even sense the wrong things.

im tired and i dun have the energy beat around the bush.

Mak, i feel that the buddy you are referring to is Den. ANd the cheated by someone is qiute obciously me. And i feel very very offended. Because I am very sure I did not CHEAT him. I may have let him down, broke his heart in certain ways but Cheating is too strong a word to use. And I just have to say this. You are the LAST person. The LAST person who has the right to say that of me. But like what Yin says, you said its probably someone we duno. But I see it as you are just trying to cover up and pretend and hint something. i dunno. I may be wrong. i just wan to say how i feel.

Becasue i feel tht this blog has become so "fake" and "pretentious" with shootings, saying and meaning things which you try to appear its not so and yet drop abit of hint that it is.

its supposed to be a friendship blog. I repeat, friendship. i dunno how this friendship will degrade into with these sort of things going on.

Im tired of it. Im tired of debating with you. if you just want to feel the triumph of winning, then, ok. i lose.

of course, like anyone of you, i feel happy for den. and i wish him all the best. sincerely.

if people wan to judge me differently, then i got nothing to say. i jus wanna say that im thankful for yin and rong whom always listen to my blast when ppl tries to shoot me down. and they are the ppl who let me know that they are with me and by my side. and of course, to my darlinlicious. i cant imagine life without people like you.

pEg